I've been home from the major hospital stay for nearly a year. The follow-up, post hospital, has been a very bumpy ride. Chase, Chaz, Colin, Charlie, Cissy & Caleb - gone, but not forgotten. My half sized right breast finally completely healed, after a very painful skin graft & 13 derma grafts. Of course, the aftermath is a scarred, nasty looking thing - but I'm the only one that has to look at it, so it really doesn't matter.
The worst part is that the extended change of routine has left me unable & unwilling to get back on the treadmill of life. I'm still in first gear, with little to no motivation to even attempt second gear. I'm feeling my age. I've come face to face with my own mortality. Things just look different from this new perspective. And, I'm flatout tired all of the time. Fewer things carry much importance. It's a struggle to get going in the morning. I don't look forward to a heck of a lot. I've restricted my life even more and prefer to stay home than go anywhere or do anything. I'm not sad, just tired and not motivated. Que sera, sera. I guess Doris Day was right.
Claudia's hyperthyroidism seems to be under control. That's good, but she has blood in her urine and antibiotics haven't helped. Colt has been losing weight, so he went to the vet this week. He has hyperthyroidism as well, just not as bad as Claudia's was to begin with. He also has an eosinophilic granuloma on the inside of his upper left lip. Steroid shot & thyroid medicine for him.
Oh, and I tore up my dishwasher months ago. My washer & dryer work when they feel like it & I need 4 new tires for the CRV. And, it would be a big help if I could just win the lottery. If anyone reading this is psychic, please send me the winning lottery numbers. I'm more than willing to share the jackpot with you.
With any luck, I'll get back on track and work through this living in slow motion condition. I wonder if this is what PTSD feels like. After all, for nearly 2 years I've dealt with an unbelievable amount of personal tragedy. In addition to 2 hospitalizations in a single year, the loss of 8 cats and 1 dog since February, 2010 has been devastating. The brightest spot in all of this: Cagney (the Hell on Wheels kitten). Rarely does a day go by that she doesn't make me smile and/or laugh. This kitten, who surely would have died had I not managed to get her trapped when I did, has a personality the size of the state of Alaska. She's fearless, funny, acrobatic and delightful. Life is new to her and she reminds me that life can be interesting and fun. For the time being I'll remain an observer, witnessing it through her eyes.