Sleeping with Cats

Philosophers and theologians have spent centuries asking the question, "What is the meaning of life?"  I don't think that's really the most important, nor relevant, question they or any of us should be asking.  The question that often keeps me awake at night is:  "why do cats always sleep on your chest with their butts in your face?"

I may be exaggerating a bit here.  They don't always do it.  Sometimes they drape their bodies across my mouth so that my lips and tongue are covered in cat hair.  The added bonus?  Generally, since now I must now breathe through my nose, I am breathing in cat hair as well.  Cats aren't stupid.  They know that I'm the bringer of food.  Do they not understand that breathing is necessary for me to be able to keep bringing them food?  They seem to have figured out pretty much everything else:  watching TV is a waste of time, why move furniture when it's fine where it is, getting put into a cat carrier means one thing - road trip to the vet, if I tangle myself up in her legs she will bend down and pick me up, naps are important as is good grooming.  Do you ever see a cat lying with their butt in another cat's face?  NO!  Do they cover another cat's face when they curl up to sleep?  NO!  They obviously like it when I lie down.  In fact, you would think I was covered in catnip.  Cats I haven't seen all day suddenly appear and proceed to plant themselves as close to my face as they can manage.  In fact, there is almost a stampede to get there first and get a front row seat.  Before they settle down, there is usually some jostling for position, a couple of slaps along with some hisses and growls. 

So this universal riddle troubled my mind last night as I tried to fall asleep with four cat butts in my face.  I realized that maybe we should consider changing the clothing size chart.  What size are you?  I'm a size 4.....because I can easily fit four average size cats between my left and right shoulders.   I finally drifted off to sleep, cozy and warm with my energy efficient, off the grid bed warmers. 

Here are a couple of the cuddlers/culprits: